bon bons, the all day yoga pants (eh, that one might be true), the play dates
at 11 am involving your favorite Cab. When I decided to stay home with my
daughter, I knew that wouldn’t be my reality. Instead, I had a whole other
unhealthy delusion: That I was going to be the perfect crafty mom. I blame this
on a subscription to both Southern Lady
and Southern Living at an early age
and, of course, the onslaught of Pinterest during my first trimester.
decorate the house for every miniscule holiday and season change. When she was
awake, she would casually play next to me doing a miniature version of whatever
craft I was doing – acorns made into
turkeys, life size models of her grandparents out of buttons, or whatever other
insane project we could come up with that would stimulate her growing mind and
require daily trips to Hobby Lobby.
mind, I set to work planning Bonnie’s first birthday.
accomplish even 10% of these things Pinterest board revolving around your
theme. Ours was watermelon, so I spent many a nursing session frantically
pinning everything and anything even remotely related to our pink and green
motif. Please note that unless you want everyone one of your sarcastic friends
to immediately text you for blowing up their board with something other than
nutella crockpot recipes that will make you drop a jean size in one week, you
might want to set your board to private.
even though you have decided each baby in attendance will receive a handmade,
hand painted, personalized favor that they will
the way home, you still have plenty of time. Because you made your Pinterest
board for your daughter’s FIRST birthday the first week you were home from the
hospital. And because you know you will have more time once she starts sleeping
through the night. And walking. And this teething session is over. And the flu
season passes. And after the holidays. That free time is right always so
elusively just around the next milestone corner.
five weeks before the party. Who needs help with an 11 month old anyway? Step
3b: Start cutting three new teeth. Did I mention your husband should be out of
town for this fun?
you have approximately 1% of your to do list done. Consider faking an injury to cancel the
party. Have a weak moment where you pray the venue double booked and you have
an easy out. Finally, buck it up, pull out your Cricut and get down to
business. Work for 15 minutes, realize you are out of glue, and surrender to
wine and Real Housewives of New Jersey.
blogs with titles like “How to Make the Perfect Macramé Centerpiece with Things
Around Your Home!” Google “Why do so many mommy bloggers lie about how easy
stuff is?” Accomplish one thing on your to do list. Repeat nightly the whole
week before the party.
coming and it is apparently socially unacceptable to show up with just your
notebook of ideas and no actual decorations. Or drinks. Or food. So, no matter
what obstacles you face just keep trudging forward. And trust me, there will be
obstacles. Some of my favorites:
learn, at 10:30 pm the night before the party, the rice krispies you just
purchased are moldy. MOLDY. How does that even happen? Who has heard of cereal
getting moldy? Only me. When I was elbow deep in melted butter and marshmallow.
delayed four hours the night before the party so that his whole plan to “come
home and run all the errands” is completely destroyed. He claims hazardous
summer storms. I am still not entirely convinced he wasn’t at the airport
Applebee’s, running out the clock until all craft stores within a 15 mile
radius of us were closed.
birthday cake from scratch using all organic ingredients. No food dye for your
sweet birthday angel – only icing dyed with organic spinach pureed into sugar
and butter. This of course fails to recognize two problems: 1)
Food companies created food dye because they were easy to use and 2) You suck
at baking. You didn’t pass the cake decorating class at Michael’s because the
flowers were impossible. IMPOSSIBLE. You left the second class with only one-half
of your cake because you somehow iced the first half so poorly it was best to
just throw it away. Giving birth did not
give you some magical cake decorating gene nor was it tucked in between sleep
advice in any of the baby books you have read. Let. It. Go.
under the age of 6. You love them all, but nothing says “amp up birthday
stress” like moving the baby into your room, having your dad set off your house
alarm twice, and constantly having to
acknowledge that it would, in fact, be easier for them to attend parties if you
moved four states closer to them.
up having time to slap monogrammed watermelon stickers on 150 bottles of water?
No. Are you surrounded by the friends and family who have been there every
single step of the way since announcing you were pregnant? Yes. And really,
what else matters? Bonnie won’t remember the centerpieces, the party favors, or
the photo booth (which… whoops, we forgot to make sure the birthday girl had
her turn). She will, though, see the pictures of those who she loves most
gathered together, smiling from ear to ear, loving on her.
the cake, the scar on my hand from the late night shattered cake platter, and the
watermelon bowling pins that our friends earnestly thought a 6 year old made,
she realizes how much we love her and how excited we were to celebrate one of
her first milestones. Then, when she
looks at pictures of her much scaled down second birthday party, I hope she
understands that expression of love can be shown in several different ways –
including through professional event planners.
lives in Georgia with her husband, 1 year old daughter, and two spoiled dogs.
She has over 40 Pinterest boards that she browses through instead of working on
the sorority t-shirt quilt she started 7 years ago. She
considers herself a blessed momma and wife, child of God, compulsive event planner,
aspiring craft master, Southern Living fanatic with a penchant for bad reality
tv, wearing big hats, other people’s blogs, football Saturdays, and Scotch.