“The pain and heartbreak come in waves.”
You may have seen the articles and blog post shares, but September was PCOS Awareness Month and October was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Phew. Back-to-back topics that are basically ruling my life right now. I’ve been wanting to write about them but my sadness had been holding me back. Sometimes it’s cathartic to talk things out in this space, and other times I need to keep them closer to the chest until I’m in a better place – more solid ground, emotionally. Today, I feel okay. When I started writing this, I was in a much darker place. The pain and heartbreak come in waves.
PCOS is a real B*. I mean, really. I hate everything about it. If you’re unfamiliar, PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) is a hormonal imbalance in women, where androgen – a male sex hormone that women also produce – is produced in excess.
High androgen levels can affect the development of eggs as well as delay or prevent ovulation. It can also cause unwanted hair growth and acne. Most women with PCOS grow small cysts on their ovaries. Excess insulin may cause high androgen levels, which is why many doctors prescribe diabetic medication to help keep levels down. PCOS is linked to high blood pressure, pre-diabetes, and high cholesterol, meaning the biggest health concerns (in addition to possible infertility) are diabetes, heart disease, and stroke. *Between 5% and 10% of women of childbearing age in the U.S. (roughly 5 million), have PCOS. It is the most common hormonal endocrine disorder in women today and the #1 cause of female infertility. *4 Frustrating Facts About PCOS… and What They Mean for You. PCOS is also linked to depression for oh, so many obvious reasons. It’s really hard to lose weight with PCOS but it’s really important to try to maintain a healthy weight and eating habits to manage it. It’s sort of a catch 22, for your entire life. It’s very difficult to live with.
“PCOS… is the most common hormonal endocrine disorder in women today and the #1 cause of female infertility.”
A few weeks ago, I hit my rock bottom. I had been so depressed over how far I’d let myself go and that I still haven’t gotten pregnant, that I *couldn’t* do anything about it. I was paralyzed by feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. But, then I turned a corner and everything shifted. I am finally ready to take my health by the reins again. I started posting to my “fit” Instagram account again to share my journey and be encouraged by others on a similar one. I joined Weight Watchers with my mom. I’m setting mini goals for myself and taking them one step at a time. I’m trying to make other goals and plans. I’m trying to be more present; more appreciative of the blessings I have. I recognize that it’s okay to not be okay and I’m trying to show myself grace through it all.