So, I don't usually blog personal journal entries but I've decided that this is something I want to be vulnerable with. I think it will help me to keep perspective and hold me accountable. So, here goes:
"My plan was to nap with Benjamin today because I am finally headed back to the gym tonight. I just have way too much on my mind and since I spent the time painting all these beautiful backgrounds I thought I might actually try journaling!
Sigh. So, here's the thing. I've been in a funk. I don't even think I realized that I was in a funk. Last year I managed my goal of becoming "my fittest self ever". I got down to around 150 lbs. and a size 6/8 (sometimes even a 4!). And then I don't know what happened. I got lazy. I got discouraged. It was the holidays. And then, and then. I packed on the pounds - 20 and then 30.
I finally got back to the gym when I had the miscarriage [the end of February] and then nothing. I ate, drank, and stopped all activity. I even stopped going outside [for a while]. I said I was fine. I was fine! This was fine! All God's Plan! Going to work out!
Meanwhile, I stopped taking care of myself; of our home. I gained another 10 lbs. in the last month. 40 lbs. now. I weighed 194 lbs. this morning and I just broke down and bought a pair of size 14 jeans at Target. I'm uncomfortable. I don't even wear my wedding ring most days because my finger is too fat.
I love "self love"...
but I don't practice SELF LOVE!
To me self love and self acceptance means that you treat yourself - your body, mind, heart, and soul - with kindness. You fuel these things with positivity and nourishment. It's not the other extreme either. It's a gentleness you have with yourself and above all - grace.
In a social, technology-driven world, it is so very easy to find yourself comparing your life and your self to others and can
be make it really hard to maintain perspective. Just this morning I had to get off Instagram because I was getting emotional after seeing one too many "perfect" feeds. That isn't healthy. The only perfect life I need to look to is Jesus Christ's. As my relationship with him grows, I see more and more how he sees me and what he wants from me. He doesn't expect "perfection" but he does expect me to take care of myself.
This body and this life he has given me is a gift and one I intend to show gratitude for moving forward."
|Because my new glasses obvi make me a unicorn. And bc I'm obsessed with Snapchat. @ love_joleen|
I think it's easy to get caught up in striving to be "my best self" and I want to celebrate myself and my efforts regularly. I was inspired to create the following journal prompt in my travelers journal this afternoon: "things I love about myself", and I plan to fill this page up! I thought would share in case this blog post resonates with you and you would like to try this exercise too.